SawyerSpeaks

It’s a short distance between “scribe” and “prescribe,” but I’ve somehow managed to retain marginal stability while writing full time for a couple of decades. Mostly in advertising, with humor columns in newspapers here and there. I was a freelance joke writer for the “Late Show with David Letterman” for a few years, back when Dave first migrated from NBC to CBS. Added 10 jokes daily to the pile he started with in developing each night’s monologue. It wasn’t hard in the era of O.J. and Michael Jackson.

I have three words for all who would be professional scribes, and I’m dead serious about this: Be a plumber. People will tinker endlessly with the work of the humble writer simply because they took English in high school and feel their three-page double-spaced B+ essay on Hibernation Patterns of the Eastern Bat qualifies them for Managing Editor. But these critics never took plumbing in school, wouldn’t know a pipe wrench from a slinky, and wouldn’t even think of messing with the plumber’s handiwork. Plumbers are not self-effacing like writers. They wear an expression of fearlessness, reinforced by serious coveralls. They retire earlier than writers, on bigger boats.

Say hello sometime at SawyerSpeaks@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

All content © 2007 Jeff Sawyer