Entries Tagged as ‘Health Care’

December 5, 2009

Jacket by Armani. Face by Ferragamo.

Like it or not, fashion designers color your world. They inform your purchases of clothing, sunglasses, house paint, furniture, jewelry … even automobiles. Remember the Pierre Cardin Cadillac?

You may not buy the label, but whoever made what you do buy was influenced by it.
So why, when it comes time for a new [...]

October 18, 2009

A1 anyone?

To attract media attention and spike international readership, this week’s post comes to you from inside a giant silver Jiffy Pop balloon drifting over the Alps. In here with me may or may not be a kidnapped Louisiana Justice of the Peace who may or may not have been knocked unconscious with a rubber mallet [...]

September 1, 2009

Aisle 27: Prosthetics, Shampoo, Extension Cords, French Horns

It may just be me – I date-stamp my hosiery for freshness, after all – but I struggle to find what I’m looking for in the pharmaceutical palace that is the modern, full-size drugstore.
Oh, it’s there. Everything is there. I just can’t find it.
It’s not as if the aisles are mapped out in some [...]

August 17, 2009

E Vomitus Restructurus

With 10% unemployment comes heightened wariness among the other 90%, fear they may be next to move money up the endless conveyor belt of the vertiginous pyramid of capitalism by packing up their cube decor and moving under close escort to the parking lot, so that a senior vice president three levels away on the [...]

June 5, 2009

Patients with Patience

As a follow-up to “How to Put Your Child Through College Housing,” my daughter just traveled to Costa Rica and Panama with other pre-vet students, to learn while helping villagers with their animals. This little guy showed up with a patient.
Moving a couch up a flight of dormitory stairs wasn’t so bad after all.

April 3, 2009

Alzheimer’s Help Desk

“Hello, Alzheimer’s Help Desk.”
 
“Have you seen my dog?”
 
“You don’t own a dog, sir. You have not owned a dog since moving out of your parents’ house in 1958. And technically that was their dog.”
 
“I really think I left a dog around here somewhere.”
 
Readers, you may be thinking about now that this is nothing but an [...]

December 13, 2008

5 Over-the-Counter “Cold Remedies” to Avoid During this Cold and Flu Season

Campbell’s Cream of NyQuil soup

April 3, 2008

treadmill

I had my treadmill repaired today.
The gentleman from Sears showed up on time
and was polite
and knowledgeable
and kind enough not to say whether he thought
it broke because I used it
or because I crushed it.

February 3, 2008

5 new permutations of the Mel Brooks quote, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

5. Tragedy is when my cigar goes out prematurely. Comedy is when your liver comes out prematurely.
4. Tragedy is when I can’t find change for the soda machine. Comedy is when you get mad at the snack machine next to it because your bag of Laddy’s Best Bar-B-Q Plantain Chips defies gravity by becoming [...]

November 4, 2007

New Gastric Bypass Demonstrates Unprecedented 100% Success Rate

Boston, MA – An exhaustive, board-certified study completed this week by the Obesity Alleviation Research Centers in Cambridge surprised the senior physicians leading the program by returning a 100% success rate. Each of the 210 obese patients, male and female, ages 23 to 62, who participated in the study met his or her target [...]