The plan this week was to craft The Autobiography of Anonymous: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Someone You Don’t.
But, like the best-laid plans and golfers, it crashed, when a more acute issue escalated Cadillac-style into the poplar culture tree.
No nontroversy, this; it is simply the story of the drug of choice [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘Headlines’
November 14, 2009
Nation’s Transition from Lawyer Jokes to Stock Broker Jokes Nearly Complete
New York City – The zeitgeist of this country’s humor reserves has recently come about like a weathervane in a nor’easter, pointing away from its traditional target – lawyers – and directly at a new one: stock brokers.
Prompted by widespread financial ruin, government bailouts of Wall Street firms, and the relentless scrutiny of [...]
October 25, 2009
White House Appoints Amish as Chief Wall Street Overseers
Plain Dress Short Selling to Replace Naked Short Selling
Manhattan – The Obama administration announced Sunday a set of sweeping changes that will place all of Wall Street under the watchful regulatory eye of a community for whom integrity and austerity are cornerstones of life.
In a ceremony Monday, a wooden buggy with triangular orange safety sign [...]
September 12, 2009
SawyerSpeaks Dog Horoscope for September 2009
ARIES – Today is a 10! That said, the average life span of your breed is a 9.
CANCER – It’s going to be a great day today – the sun and the toilet seat are both up.
CAPRICORN – You’ll be scratched heartily all morning, though it’ll be the wrong ear.
LIBRA — Hey there, [...]
June 12, 2009
Sandra Bernhard Lapse May Create Celebrity Vacancy
Hollywood, CA – The continued absence of comedian Sandra Bernhard from the public eye may soon create an opening for a new celebrity.
Entertainment officials explained today the American public is able to hold precisely 9,542 celebrities in its collective consciousness, including models, actors, musicians, politicians, authors, athletes, competitive eaters and Ross Perot.
Beyond that [...]
May 22, 2009
Around here, that’s what we’d call a dead dog
AP – CHEYENNE, Wyo. – A man said he saved his dog’s life after sucking venom from a rattlesnake bite out of the animal’s nose. Bobby Jenkins said he began feeling ill after getting his dog, Tank, to a veterinarian. He went to the hospital and received a dose of antivenin.
In all, Jenkins needed four vials [...]
May 18, 2009
Michael Phelps Breaks Waterboarding Record at Gitmo Pool
He may have lost a pair of races this week, but 14-time Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps is dipping insurgents at Gitmo like they’re pretzel sticks in grey poupon.
“My turns and my finishes have really improved,” said Phelps, as one suspect revealed the location of caches of IEDS, IOUs and IUDs. “That last [...]
May 16, 2009
Obama to Printer Ink Cartridge Industry: “You’re next.”
The days of paying more for a set of replacement ink cartridges than for a new printer may soon be over. On, oh what the heck, let’s say Tuesday, President Barack Obama asked a Senate subcommittee to investigate whether exorbitant replacement ink cartridge costs are a result of collusion within the close-knit replacement ink industry. [...]


