Top 10 Still Unused Movie Character Names

10. Lymbic Ecru
9. Necco the Ferd, II
8. Triple Fudge
7. Sallé Swink
6. Cleavage McLoud
5. Denny Drab-Klopske
4. Carrots Von Fink
3. Sturgeon Contracts
2. Hortense Shoulders
1. Sister Cleats

Top 10 Questions Answered by Popular Movie Lines

10. “What do you have to say for yourself, Letterman?”
“I could have had class. I could have been a contender.”
Brando, On the Waterfront

9. “How’s the patient, Dr. Kevorkian?”
“Either he’s dead, or my watch has stopped.”
Groucho Marx, A Day at the Races
8. “Did the Three Stooges ever perform in New Hampshire?”
Curly: “Lake Winnipesaukee.”
Moe: “Lake Winna…How do [...]

Top 10 Failed U-Haul Business Spin-offs

10. U-Drag
9. U-Stall
9. U-Kidding?
7. U-Plunder
6. U-Tweeze
5. U-Tube (oh so close)
4. U-Appall
3. U-Fired
2. U-Again?
1. U-Asked For It

5 Little-known Ologies

Phrenology is the study of the shape and size of the cranium. (My own has been categorized by a panel of university scientists as “anvil.”)
Here are 5 studies you may not be as familiar with.

5. Lollobrigidology – the study of the shape of Italian actress Gina Lollabrigida. (She turned 82 today; proceed at your [...]

The Sycophant and the Elephant

One day a greasy little man named Silas walked through a Sequoia forest, wearing a faded t-shirt and his least-favorite cargo shorts because the good ones were in the wash. He hobbled along a dirt path, his limp caused not by some tragic birth defect, a bout of fibromyalgia or those ill-fitting cargos but by [...]

Top 10 Questions that have Never Been Asked

10. “So, what brings you to our maximum security prison?”
9. “And is there a Mr. Butterworth?”
8. “May I please see your passport, your Uncle Terence and your liver?”
7. “Was there ever a better-built car than the Chrysler LeBaron?“
6. “Was that really a love tap, dearest, because to me it felt more like a punch [...]

10 Ways Hospitals Can Become More Profitable

10. Use UNregistered Nurses
9. Sell hospital food to healthy people, charge for antidote
 
8. Proctologists paid to look for holes in national security
7. Sell X-ray specs that really work
6. Rent out precision surgical tools to Ferrari mechanics
 
5. Between procedures, surgeons give golf lessons
 
4. Rent time on MRI machine for peering inside stuff like squirrels and Dom [...]

10 Signs Barbie Has Turned 50

10. Two words: Plastic Surgery
9. New Menopausal Barbie yells at Ken, “IS IT HOT IN HERE?”
8. Famous capri pants replaced with stretch-waist knits
7. Measurements now easily attainable for impressionable preteen girls
6. Bought membership to Curves, stops at Dairy Queen on way home
5. While blowing out birthday candles, coughed up some Silly Putty
4. Walks into [...]

10 Ways to Explain Employment Gaps on Your Résumé During a Recession

10. Gave birth to 237 kids following fertility treatment
9. 8-month party at Michael Phelps’ poolhouse
8. Ambien made me sleepwalk to South America
7. Traveled to United Kingdom to show support for Teacake Tax Battle protestors
6. Spent gap working at The Gap
5. Mostly just popped bubble wrap
4. Passed glorious days outside the [...]

Top 10 Deductions the IRS Will Not Allow on your 2008 Taxes

10. Residual value of any footwear lobbed at president
9. Legal fees spent defending yourself in IRS audit of stuff you tried to deduct the year before
8. Loss of half the value of your 401K, one third the value of your home, your job, and hair pulled out along the way
7. Donations to help [...]