New York City – The zeitgeist of this country’s humor reserves has recently come about like a weathervane in a nor’easter, pointing away from its traditional target – lawyers – and directly at a new one: stock brokers.
Prompted by widespread financial ruin, government bailouts of Wall Street firms, and the relentless scrutiny of journalists like Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi and authors like Paul Mulolo and Mathew Padilla, joke tellers in offices, bars and confessionals are routinely find-and-replacing Main Street with Wall Street.
To wit (or not too witty, you decide):
What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?
Stockbrokers? They grow taller.
Two attorneys stock brokers were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney stock broker turns to his associate and comments “Boy, I would like to screw her! The other attorney stock broker thinks for a second and said “Out of what”?
The crusty old managing partner of a law firm brokerage finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: “I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it.”
What’s the definition of a tragedy? A busload of attorneys stock brokers crashes off a cliff and one seat is empty.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future attorney stock broker? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer stock broker were asked “How much is 2+2?”
The housewife replies: “Four!”.
The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”
The lawyer stock broker pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
Local attorney Bentley F. Kleigl III had this reaction: “It’s their turn – so sue me! Here’s my card.”
